Potato Love


Let’s see and analyse my rather particular taste.
We call gays like me who like Caucasian men, potato-queens.
Gays who like Asians exclusively are called Rice Queens (term reserved for Caucasian gays).
Asians who like Asian gays are called Sticky Rice.
Thus, you would think Caucasian gays who like Caucasians exclusively are called mashed potatoes but no…they are just called Gays. That gets my goat. That and this classification totally presuppose that there are only 2 types of people in the world.
Disclaimer number 1: this is not a manifesto. Just an expression of my personal taste. Some like vanilla ice-cream, some like matcha. I just happen to prefer Caucasians.
Above all, I am not a racist. I don’t think it is right to make pre-supposition based on skin colour. It is so quite hypocritical when I meet ‘freedom fighters’ of the rainbow tribe who then proceed to put others in cages along racist line. Make love, not war.
Plus, I have had sex with Malays, Chinese and Japanese. Yes, my ass is a global village. Thanks.
But I do prefer Caucasians. Why?
Here goes:
They have nicer features. Start with eyes. While we have tropical fishes, God gave Caucasians eye colours of all hue and variety: from sky blue to sea-green, hazel with flecks of green and pale brown eyes. Forget the tropical fish please. To me, coloured eyes seem to reflect a light from within that duller black eyes don’t. Somehow that is already irresistibly attractive to me already.
Also generally, they have pinkish nipples and genitalia. One of the most beautiful thing about sex with a Caucasian, usually French and Gingers, is that their penis(s) are usually dipped in the most beautiful shade of yellow-orange – almost like chezel cheese or freshly grilled cheese sausage dripping with luscious cheese melts. To truly appreciate this is to wake up earlier in the morning and behold the fresh glow of the morning sun bouncing off a hard, erect pinkish Caucasian cock. Time stops…
Asian genitalia is usually duller and darker than the rest of the body. In the case of Indians, they have a shocking red tip (the glans of the penis) peeking out from their foreskin and that freaks me out.
They are usually hairier – and hairier in all the right places. By that I mean not on the stomach, not on the upper/mid/lower back and not on their ass-cheeks. There is nothing sexier than seeing a guy with a good set of pecs and a fine down of hair running down his chest with the shirt slightly unbuttoned — giving you a slight idea of what his pubic hair will be like in terms of colour, texture and length. Makes you want to run your hands down their slightly greasy and very masculine hirsute chest.


Government Policy
They usually have a place. Even the poorest Caucasian guy who works in Singapore have at least a shoebox studio apartment in Singapore. And if they don’t, they don’t live with their parents unlike most asian gays in Singapore. I have been in enough relationships with asian gays who still live with their parents where we literally ‘date’ for years. And sex, if we manage to get it, is snatched in cheap love-hotels and then scrambling out quickly before the 2-hour block is over. Let’s just say that relationships are pretty one-dimensional. Hell, my asian boyfriend with whom I was with for 5 years hadn’t even eaten a single breakfast I have made. But most of all, there is something deeply fulfilling, nourishing and life-affirming in a relationship where when you wake up, the first person you see, is the guy you love.
Having to douche one’s ass in Hotel 81 (a local chain of cheap hotels) with unheated showers and overpowered water pressure meant for scraping barnacles off ship’s hull on the delicate membranes and having someone rapping on the toilet telling you to hurry up because the 2-hr block is ending and the management will impose penalty late charge and making love on thread thin cotton sheets on pvc mattress covering… very soul-destroying.
Frankly, in our defense, it is not that Singaporeans are dirt-poor or have the jewish mum syndrome. It is just that most Singaporeans have their money locked up in a compulsory CPF (Central Provident Fund) that can only be unlocked to buy a hugely exorbitant public flat when they are 35 years and above. Usually government don’t encourage Singles to live along because that will increase crime rates and social unrest. Plus a family unit is defined as a man-and-woman in this country where even Oral sex between 2 consenting adults (regardless of gender) is an offense. Yes, this is Singapore, the last I check. And you wonder why we ban chewing gums.
And rental rates outside is simply extortionate in our little island of fun and games.
I do not deny that there are indeed people who love to date Caucasians in Singapore for the sheer fact of their economic power, where they are coddled in a bubble of generous company privileges and usually-excessive sense of self-entitlement.
But having dated the full range from members of MNC’s board of directors to secondary school’s Ang moh English teachers and Lecturers to Malaysian restaurant waiters doing their visa-runs in Singapore, you can quite say that I am egalitarian in doling out sexual favours.
So at least for me, my potato love can be summed down to person qualms and macro-economic housing factors.
As a close, while it may seem that I do not see much action therefore in this little global city of 5 million or so with majority made up of Asians. But thanks to my government’s massively pro-foreigner policy, I do get an influx of ‘fresh’ expat blood flowing in with generous company packages – in the wallet and under the belt too.
So here’s to a better 2013 and a much better year ahead where I either find my Mr. Right or Mr. Right-for-now.